my lucky day....5.4

bat mitzvah 8 years ago. wtf. wow.

ate horrendously today.

raisin bran crunch. fruit cup. muffin. friendlys. mega coffee. two more muffins. lots of water. my poor stomach is going to hate me.

but my wallet is feeling light! lots of money spent today at the outlets... completely worth it. things fit perfectly. and they fit mama cass as well. i was so pleased :)

i'm at work. chillin til thursday after my art critique. legit no point in being here. i'm just rotting. must workout LONG TIME tomorrow. stay skinny.

i hate body image pressures. we should all wear uniforms.

tough last night. tears. typical. i always comprehend but don't know how to process information and respond appropriately. like i say i can emphasize but sometimes i'm over-zealous in that regard. i seek balance but alas cannot find it. maybe this is all wrong. or maybe it's teaching me a greater life lesson. i just thought i was worth it :(

things i struggle with:

orientation
greek life
nicaragua
chronicle layouts
making my own iced coffee
resisting baked goods. (not possible)
mean people.
the world revolving around money.
QU's new lightning rod poles on dorm road
eating well. i love bread.
"ride the drift"
emotions
keeping nail polish nice and pretty
being smooth
johnny leaving
summer. home. alone.
relatives.
saving money.
BEING POSITIVE.

i enjoy these random listings though. perhaps a "things i love" post will come... maybe if i get bored enough... otherwise, i am not sunshiney right now, although my turbo giant mega huge beastly ice caffffeeee from dunks, dunkos, dunkies SHOULD be prying my eyelids open... FAIL

i'm frigid in the SC. i thought it was summer! crazy weather today though, pouring rain, thunder, lightning, sunshine, drizzle, clouds... oh new england, you're my home.

RITA'S WATER ICE. best invention ever. gelato/i? 642X better than the six flags version, fo sho.

i have so many concerts i want to go to but it's tough deciding if happiness or saving money is more important:

rascal flatts in the fall
OAR in july
bamboozle roadshow
the maine/ cartel the day i'm back home
counting crows

music=my life. makes me happy. because music is what feelings sound like. so true, so true. i just need that free feeling of singing at the top of my lungs. there has to be a soulmate that shares that with me. right now i just feel kinda alone, and like i'm not a good fit to the puzzle. and i'm hating that. don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

big girls don't cry?

big girls DO cry. a lot, if you're me. and i am a 21-year-old big girl. shoot, that's gonna make this summer wildly expensive too. DO NOT BECOME an alcoholic. although i might just drink and pretend that mike and his hard lemons are my friends every night after work.

i gotta join a gym at home. i might as well spend hours toning my body in case that will make someone love me someday.

maybe i need stronger chemicals. eff you see kay. :(

the weirdest thing, is i should just be happy i have so many things in my life to be thankful for. but why do i just have such a hard time accepting things? since when am i a dreamer? too bad i can't dream to better the world. i'm too damn selfish.

SHUT. OFF. BRAIN.

---NOW---