it's been one week since you looked at me

wow barenaked ladies reference?!

regardless of my choice in lyrics, next friday night is going to be even better than this one. in my snuggie, in my bed, but + JQ <3 <3 <3 I feel like a 7th grader with all my little sideways hearts but I just don't care and I had a great 5 minute conversation tonight and he was a happy bear and i can't wait for a big hug. 7 days. one week. 5 days at my desk. so close :)

AH 4 DAYS AT MY DESK. yay for Monday being Memorial Day... thanks to those who've fought for our country, gotta throw it out there.

Going to temple in the morning, mostly so I can wear my new pencil skirt. Maybe it's a selfish reason but I feel good about myself right now, and I never had that confidence in that building with all THOSE people, so I'm hoping this can be a kick in the face to THOSE girls. Not that they even remember what "JEWISH" is, let alone who I am.

Ali's facial expressions on the Bachelorette killed me. There's a couple guys on there I like, but hello Roberto! We can salsa ANYTIME ;)

...kidding. now if only Jasy was a dancer. (1. Don't you all like my new pet name, and 2. I actually am glad he's not a dancah...because I can't date a guy who's more grateful than me!)

I love working. I don't love waking up. I do love writing. It's a creative outlet and I should've done it in high school rather than just editing everyone else's stuff. I could do it in Montage but I'm more likely to be judged and we all know I don't need that. I'm trying to BUILD confidence rather than slash it!

bedtime at 10pm. Oh yes. the life of a working woman.

being an intern

so i go to work in the morning. i sit at my computer. i write masterpieces. i wear cute outfits. i can't wait to be a grownup.

i want to join BBBS. next year at school. i just want to make a difference in someone's life. a real difference. not just "you made me smile today" because even though that's great, i want to make a lasting impact, a lasting impression on someone. and i'm told there's nothing like a child's love, but i've never had that truly. and i'm not about to have my own babes, so i want to find a kiddo to love me. i just want to help everyone. and not with money but with time and i just want to be someone's role model.

side note, ellen degeneres, awesome hair.

i love reading books.

okay random thoughts, shut off brain now, bed.

i'm upset.

i'm upset right now.

i had a good day at work and a fantastic workout. but i have this horrible feeling because a little girl is suffering. partially self-inflicted, and partially just a result of circumstance. regardless, i hate it.

i just hope i can avoid that in my life. and for my children.

all mixed up

i'm a bundle of emotions.

i annoy myself.

perfection

kisses on my back.

J

i'm really excited to see J.

scratches and craters

i have a giant scrape on my leg. look what happens when i try to clean up my stuff and put it away. my box of cereal and soda, bought with my last mealplan dollars, fell off its perch and the lid scraped my entire shin.

knee to ankle.

there goes one effort to feel great about myself in florida.

and my face is breaking out.

FAN-effing-TASTIC.

is it too much to ask to just want to feel AMAZING one time? or ever?

the not-so-lovely bones

can i just say how freaking weird the lovely bones is...

i understood the book when i read it, but this movie has lost me. i mean it's kinda trippy. i don't understand half of the connections.

and how did she die if she was running away just fine?

and now susie salmon is in "heaven?" looks more like avatar. or the lord of the rings. or some mystical land.. but she's not happy in heaven, she's tweakin' out!

also, creepy actress. therefore, mission accomplished by casting people.

i kind of want to just turn this off...except i forget how it ends, so i'm going to watch it through to the end just to refresh my memory.

...turning on all the lights in the house now...

27 Dresses

James Marsden. Yes please.

27 Dresses is how I see my life. I am Jane. I will do everything for everyone else, and someday, I hope it pays back big, in my own way.

and maybe I'll marry a movie star? Yes, this is about the only time I ever crush on a celebrity... besides Jonathan Taylor Thomas in approximately 7th grade.

Time for sandal shopping and a trip to the Y.

snap, crackle, pop

They just showed Rice Krispies Treats on tv... MMM

I'm watching Friends. What a lovely afternoon, all wrapped up in my snuggie! It's chilly outside!!! I just got back from the dentist. Hygenist is a nut job. Whacko. Something is NOT right up there.

This is why she pisses me off:
-Don't ask me questions while your tools are in my mouth, how the hell am I supposed to respond to you?
-She raises and lowers the chair when I'm perfectly capable of sitting up and down myself... if I'm gonna do it anyway, it's obnoxious, and wastes TIME
-She giggles. Make it stop. Brings on an evil-dentist kind of feel...
-Wears skechers.
-Tells me my teeth are perfect... BS, they're all CHIPPY. ARGH. Offer to help, come on now.
-She tells me that she COULD half ass it, but chooses not to. Okay, seriously, I expect you to clean all the parts in my mouth you dumb _ _ _ _ _! That's what I'm paying you for!

the end. not going to her again.

I just got all my travel size goodies for florida! YAY for sunshine. It's so chilly here, I'm sure it will be gorgeous there. I wonder what QfB will wear. Also, unsure why I call him that. He's just so cool. =P

I have the munchies again. typical lindsay. I would love some more snacks!!!

Jack Bauer tonight! WOO.

I want to hang out with real live humans my age, but I just want people I can chill-out with. Watch tv. Play scrabble. Not have to watch sports, and just eat cookies and ice cream. Any takers? I just keep feeling like I don't have a winner yet. I'm 4 days in, and trying to keep up my spirits.

Philly/ Florida on Friday. please please please. be magical for me.

ready,set,go.

oh how light my wallet feels

140 on the train. i guess the drive would be super far and at least i can relax on the train. long day travelling though, that's for sure.

everything's coming up roses

jq made my day.

roses?

unexpected. lovely. sweetheart.

in shambles

the house is a wreck. i don't want to move. don't know where to start.

laundry mountains. yes.

beach would be better!

so... this is summer

here i am, thursday night, in bed at 9:36. typical first night at home in my big bed!

the house is in shambles as always. no idea where anything is, so i'm putting off REALLY getting ready for bed because that would involve looking for contact stuff and a toothbrush. let's see how long i can go without finding these necessary items...not long because i'm sleepy!

i went another day without tears. i don't mean to make it sound like i'm so emotional that i can't control the tear flow, but sometimes, yeah, it's out of my control. not sure what it was about today, but i'm taking on the world. here's summer and i will make the best of it. guaranteed. and i get to see my lovebug in just a week. not sure how i'm getting there though because transportation people have the nerve to charge $536 for a 1.5 hour flight... $156 for a 5 hour train ride... and even $130 for an 8 hour bus ride. I think I'll be driving there in the middle of the night. Just pray my car doesn't die in the effing BX. oy. but really, a $30 tank of gas is way more in my budget.

okay contact time, gotta do it.

anddd i'm back. pajamatized. glasses on. chippy teeth are brushed. and i'm in my flannels. i love how this is summer but i'm freezing! and snuggly. so i suppose i win in the longrun. miss my usual snuggle friends... i have a stuffed dog and bear in this bed. and my real pup is in the living room. he's getting chubby! but all the more squishable, yes.

need an eyebrow wax. pedicure. manicure. if only paige was here to bring me! i probably won't go alone...and mom won't pay, so i need that girl!

i just want to shop some more. but i've spent enough money the past week... outlet shopping, panera, birthday presents... but alas, i get such a high from bargain shopping. what a froot loop i am sometimes!

katie harris was such a sweet roomie. she made me a photo collage and it's adorable and nice and neat edges so i can hang it up next year and take her with me. maybe if she reads my diary here, she will comment on it! i'm surprised she didn't make it pink and green though! with some ke$ha lyrics... but it's awesome nonetheless. i feel bad i didnt cry over that either, but i really did love it. i just turned off the tear ducts today!

i'm thinking about a cartilege piercing... hypocrite that i am... i always called it molly's slut earring but i just want to put a sparkle somewhere else on my body. love jewelry. and flowers. and virtual flowers. and prezzys. and giant red cups. and snuggles.

tomorrow is laundry mountain here in my house. so many things to wash and clean and organize. i don't know anyone else who has as many clothes as me, yet only likes 4 things. i'd donate, but i don't want to waste money, since i buy most of my outfits with my own money. now i should stop accessorizing and save for gas money! and drinking. oh 21 <3, how you are expensive.

margueritas. very strong at el amigos. i only like frozen marg's, but they were charging 20 bills per glass? I DO NOT THINK SO. rip off. therefore, spent my 8 dollars, had fun with kll, and carved my name in a bench! cool yo'.

i forgot to go say bye to my public affairs people. i'll have to go over the summer... but definitely in the fall. they were all too good to me to forget about them. not possible for me to do that. i want to babysit little cheekies so i have to make her like me!!!

baby fever. they're everywhere. so cute. yet somehow like weeds. wish i could just borrow one for awhile... oh yes, that's what babysitting is! i want to be close to kids, like Dar Williams-- the babysitter's here. would be lovely to be a role model again. i actually miss teaching Hebrew School to the little buggers.

I can't wait to start reading. leave some ideas for me to read over the summer :) at my imaginary beach... known as a towel on my deck. although now i can have a drink in hand!

okay, tired fingers. tired eyes. tired everything. should have some new bruises tomorrow from moving so much stuff around today... or rather banging things against myself by accident because i'm a klutz. too bad i bruise ridiculously easy.

you can still love me though!

pce bloggerz

=)

senior year

senior year is upon us.

woah there.

one art critique away friends.

packing up the dustbunnies.

forgot to eat lunch.

out tonight para el cinco de mayo. no hablar espanol. je parle francais (un peu)

slumber party maybe later gators? :)

rocket summer

"i can't help it, i got too many issues i own
so i cannot help i'm afraid, yeah
so keep on preachin, preachin to heal the world
lip service makes us look great
do you feel
the weight of the world
singin' sorrow
or to you is it just not real
cause you got your own things
yeah we all have our things
i guess.
i guess my mind wanders off
from time to time
sometimes i convince myself
that all is fine
in a world that's not mine
why should i have to try
to fix things i didn't create or contrive?"

things i COULD love

love letters in ink.

my lucky day....5.4

bat mitzvah 8 years ago. wtf. wow.

ate horrendously today.

raisin bran crunch. fruit cup. muffin. friendlys. mega coffee. two more muffins. lots of water. my poor stomach is going to hate me.

but my wallet is feeling light! lots of money spent today at the outlets... completely worth it. things fit perfectly. and they fit mama cass as well. i was so pleased :)

i'm at work. chillin til thursday after my art critique. legit no point in being here. i'm just rotting. must workout LONG TIME tomorrow. stay skinny.

i hate body image pressures. we should all wear uniforms.

tough last night. tears. typical. i always comprehend but don't know how to process information and respond appropriately. like i say i can emphasize but sometimes i'm over-zealous in that regard. i seek balance but alas cannot find it. maybe this is all wrong. or maybe it's teaching me a greater life lesson. i just thought i was worth it :(

things i struggle with:

orientation
greek life
nicaragua
chronicle layouts
making my own iced coffee
resisting baked goods. (not possible)
mean people.
the world revolving around money.
QU's new lightning rod poles on dorm road
eating well. i love bread.
"ride the drift"
emotions
keeping nail polish nice and pretty
being smooth
johnny leaving
summer. home. alone.
relatives.
saving money.
BEING POSITIVE.

i enjoy these random listings though. perhaps a "things i love" post will come... maybe if i get bored enough... otherwise, i am not sunshiney right now, although my turbo giant mega huge beastly ice caffffeeee from dunks, dunkos, dunkies SHOULD be prying my eyelids open... FAIL

i'm frigid in the SC. i thought it was summer! crazy weather today though, pouring rain, thunder, lightning, sunshine, drizzle, clouds... oh new england, you're my home.

RITA'S WATER ICE. best invention ever. gelato/i? 642X better than the six flags version, fo sho.

i have so many concerts i want to go to but it's tough deciding if happiness or saving money is more important:

rascal flatts in the fall
OAR in july
bamboozle roadshow
the maine/ cartel the day i'm back home
counting crows

music=my life. makes me happy. because music is what feelings sound like. so true, so true. i just need that free feeling of singing at the top of my lungs. there has to be a soulmate that shares that with me. right now i just feel kinda alone, and like i'm not a good fit to the puzzle. and i'm hating that. don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.

big girls don't cry?

big girls DO cry. a lot, if you're me. and i am a 21-year-old big girl. shoot, that's gonna make this summer wildly expensive too. DO NOT BECOME an alcoholic. although i might just drink and pretend that mike and his hard lemons are my friends every night after work.

i gotta join a gym at home. i might as well spend hours toning my body in case that will make someone love me someday.

maybe i need stronger chemicals. eff you see kay. :(

the weirdest thing, is i should just be happy i have so many things in my life to be thankful for. but why do i just have such a hard time accepting things? since when am i a dreamer? too bad i can't dream to better the world. i'm too damn selfish.

SHUT. OFF. BRAIN.

---NOW---

french fries vs ice cream

mommy made me eat fries. i prefer ice cream. it's too hot. i want wentworth's. but alas, its sunday.

perhaps a chipwich later?